Ah...back from the holidays and already I'm worried. We've got Mad Cow disease on the loose and a little problem with the Administration's plan to protect the environment against mercury pollution.

As the WP points out, the administration once again scrapped a bunch of good work aimed at keeping our land, animals and people safe from industrial pollution. It's very similar to the prescription drug benefit...there was a plan, people were on board and it was scrapped in the 11th hour in favor of a brand-new-industry-friendly plan which in the long run, will screw everyone but the CEO's. Of course, the real beauty of this particular situation is this: The fucking industry wasn't even screaming about it...it came out of left fucking field.

"People in the industry never expected EPA to go in that direction of a mercury trading program," said an industry lawyer. "It's something they liked, but [executives] thought the MACT standard was on the table, and they were resigned to that."

I can already tell, 2004 is going to suck bigtime. 

:::::::::::::::::::::: posted by tj :: permalink ::

The Kurds-captured-Saddam story, as easy as it is to believe, has been discredited by a creditable source, so I guess I have to admit that the capture of Saddam Hussein took place in exactly the way the always-truthful truth-tellers at the Pentagon said it did.

Nope.

Remember Manuel Noriega? He was a nasty Panamanian dictator who was an ally to the US until he got too big for his britches and had to be removed by force. He was demonized in the American press and then quickly defeated in the rock-and-rollest invasion ever. After he was arrested, American soldiers found voodoo paraphernalia, pornography, cocaine and a portrait of Hitler in his house. You see, Noriega was a demonic Hitler-loving coke-sniffing pervert. Only guess what? None of those things were actually found in his house. It was a delicious little sack of lies fed to the press by the Pentagon, and the press ate it up like candy.

Stories like this make me suspicious of the official version of Saddam's capture. 

:::::::::::::::::::::: posted by Dagwood :: permalink ::

I'm giving it... three months. Three months seems to be a long enough time for the journalists typists at the Washington Post, New York Times, CNN, ABC, etc to report on something that will expose their gross inadequacy as journalists.

And yet...

Am I just jealous? Mainstream journalism seems to be a pretty good racket. You show up at the White House at the specified time. A guy steps up behind the podium. He says some stuff. Maybe he has some charts or other visual aids, maybe not. You write down what he says and go back to the office, where you type it up and submit it to your editor, who checks your spelling. Then you go get a drink with your buddies, then you go home for the day. What's even better is that the less effort you put into finding stuff out, the more successful you'll become! Maybe someday you'll even get to go on a secret mission to Iraq with the president!

Anyway. Democracy Now! seems to be the only American news outlet to be reporting this story at this point. 

:::::::::::::::::::::: posted by Dagwood :: permalink ::

Maybe that title's a bit harsh, but...whatever. Here's some holiday food for thought.

Tom Blanton, executive director of the National Security Archive, said: "Saddam had chemical weapons in the 1980's, and it didn't make any difference to U.S. policy."

Mr. Blanton suggested that the United States was now paying the price for earlier indulgence. "The embrace of Saddam in the 1980's and what it emboldened him to do should caution us as Americans that we have to look closely at all our murky alliances," he said. "Shaking hands with dictators today can turn them into Saddams tomorrow."

As for the Rumsfeld visit with Tariq Aziz in 1984:

Mr. Shultz then turned to Mr. Rumsfeld. In a March 24 briefing document, Mr. Rumsfeld was asked to present America's bottom line. At first, the memo recapitulated Mr. Shultz's message to Mr. Kittani, saying it "clarified that our CW [chemical weapons] condemnation was made strictly out of our strong opposition to the use of lethal and incapacitating CW, wherever it occurs." The American officials had "emphasized that our interests in 1) preventing an Iranian victory and 2) continuing to improve bilateral relations with Iraq, at a pace of Iraq's choosing, remain undiminished," it said.

Then came the instructions for Mr. Rumsfeld: "This message bears reinforcing during your discussions."

So much for bilateral relations. 

:::::::::::::::::::::: posted by tj :: permalink ::

Saddam was held by Kurdish forces, drugged and left for US troops

UPDATE 12/22/03

There's a whole passel more of this story to be found at Google News, and a more detailed version of the story here. Not a peep about it so far in any American news outlet that I can find, but the rest of the world seems to be reporting on this.  

:::::::::::::::::::::: posted by Dagwood :: permalink ::

So, last year I did a little piece on the The Liquid List that attempted to highlight my top 10 musical choices of 2002. Of course that failed so I ended up doing this. This year, I'd like to do something similar, except maybe not exactly the same.

Best Show 2003
By far, the best show I went to this year was Radiohead. Even though I missed Steve Malkmus and the Jicks as the opener (which I was truly pissed about), I was still very pleased to see that Radiohead can actually pull off their songs live. It's quite impressive and, frankly, a little bit scary.

Mr./Miss Congeniality 2003
Dar Williams is by far the most engaging, personable and funny performer I saw this year. She aims to make you feel like you're visiting her in her living room and, short of pouring you tea, she delivers. She also happens to be a very gifted singer and songwriter.
Honorable Mention: Amy Correia who I saw earlier this week. Depsite the lackluster crowd, she seemed so at ease that you couldn't help but chit chat with her after the show...which we did.

Worst Show 2003
Hands fucking down, The Ben Taylor Band was the worst show I saw this year and, perhaps, this decade. He's a creepy vocal doppelganger of his father James, except for the fact that he can't write a decent song to save his life. His insistence on speaking to the crowd in urban ghetto speak wouldn't have been so annoying were it not for this fact: He is the whitest man on the face of the planet (including my friend Brent Snyder). Coupled with the poor songwriting and crappy stage banter is his equally annoying prediliction for doing a weird Grateful Dead inspired hand dance during the musical interludes of his song.

and now...the moment we've all been waiting for...

Top Ten Acts In The Billboard Top 25 That I've Never Heard Of
1. Ruben Studdard (1) - A complete mystery to me...Never heard of this guy, but apparently I should've since his album is number 1 on Billboard.

2. Alicia Keys (2) - Haven't heard of number 2 either. Am I out of touch or what?

3. Josh Groban (5) - Um...nope. Not ringing any bells over here. Maybe he's the lead singer of a band I've never heard of who's now doing a solo album...either way, I've never heard of this guy.

4. Hilary Duff (8) - I thought Hilary Duff was an actress...am I right about that? Someone let me know.

5. Clay Aiken (11) - Never heard of this guy either, but his name would suggest that he's a country artist which would explain why I've never heard of him. Incidentally, Toby Keith (who I have heard of) was in the top 5 which amazes me because he's a huge asshole.

6. Musiq (13) - Ok...two things about this act. Firstly, I've never heard of them. Secondly, that's got to be the silliest name I've ever seen.

7. Alan Jackson (15) - The weird thing about me not hearing of this guy is the fact that this album, which is ranked 15th on billboard, happens to be his Greatest Hits...which leads me to believe that he's been around for a couple of years at least. Oh well...I guess I'm not in his target market.

8. Westside Connection (16) - No sir. Never heard of this "Westside Connection". Oddly the record is on the Hoo-Bangin' record label which I think is a tremendously funny name for a label. It also leads me to believe that this act is a hip-hop act...am I right?

9. Avant (18) - This act has chosen a name which is the french word for "front". What is the significance of this? I don't know...I've never heard of them.

10. Big Tymers (21) - Best thing about these guys, aside from the fact that I've never heard of them, is the fact that they are on the "Cash Money" label. Tru Dat.

So...there you have it. I once again proved that I am completely out of touch with main stream pop culture and, in the process, I got to make fun of some bands/acts that I've never heard of.

Some day all of this bad karma is going to come back and bite me in the ass. 

:::::::::::::::::::::: posted by tj :: permalink ::

From the Seattle PI:

From March 4 to Nov. 27, 2002, one Adams County highway cleanup crew picked up 2,666 jugs of urine and 67 bags with human excrement in them.

What? Why? Who is pissing in jugs and throwing them out the window? Why? Is this something they only do in Washington State? What the hell is going on up there?

You'd think the answers to these questions would be an important part of the story, but apparently the author didn't think so. Creepy. Link via POE-News.com. 

:::::::::::::::::::::: posted by Dagwood :: permalink ::

The President said that Saddam Hussein deserves the "ultimate penalty'' for his crimes. At first I thought he meant that he should have to live in a country ruled by a man who rigged an election, but then I figured that Saddam had rigged a few in his time...so, I imagine he's referring to the "death penalty".

As I'm sure you know, our man George is a big fan of the death penalty as evidenced by his killing of roughly 2 felons for each month he served as Governor of Texas. So, it should come as no surprise that he's lobbying for the death penalty for Saddam, albeit in a coy and sheepish manner.

Of course, the really funny thing about all of this is the fact that Bush cites "what he [Saddam] has done to his people", namely murdering them, as the reason he should be put to death. Um...Isn't Iraq under the purview of the US right now? I mean, there's no real government body except for Paul Bremer who is an agent of the US Government and ultimately reports to Bush....so technically speaking, Saddam is Bush's "people". Which means that Bush would be guilty of exactly the same crime that he wants Saddam to hang for.

Oh...and then there's the other 152 of Bush's "people" who he had put to death. 

:::::::::::::::::::::: posted by tj :: permalink ::

As Dagwood has previously pointed out, many advocates for the Right use a technique that he calls the fog. During a time such as the the one we are in now (i.e. the capturing of Saddam), it can be used to make Americans forget exactly what was happening directly before the fog rolled in.

Enter Paul Krugman like a beacon of common sense during an otherwise unsensical time. So...what was happening before we captured Saddam? Oh...just a minor scandal involving Halliburton overcharging US taxpayers to the tune of multiple millions of dollars.

So much for sweetheart deals. 

:::::::::::::::::::::: posted by tj :: permalink ::

Funniest NY Times headline I've seen in awhile: Stocks End Lower as Saddam Rally Fizzles

Saddam Rally? Really? He gets his own rally? Anyways, it's a pretty interesting indicator of the real world impact of the capturing of Saddam Hussein. 

:::::::::::::::::::::: posted by tj :: permalink ::

Saddam Hussein, brutal Stalinist dictator of Iraq, was captured on Saturday by US troops.

Hussein, who was found hiding in a dank hole, surrendered after making a quick call on the "Saddam-o-fone" in which he spoke to his top lieutenants, telling them to "call off the attacks."

"Remember that thing we were going to do with the you-know-what?" Saddam was overheard saying. "Let's cancel that."

Americans all over America rejoiced at the news.

"This changes everything. The world is a better and safer place now that Saddam Hussein is behind bars, where he belongs," said shoe salesman Steve Graham of Gresham, Oregon. "My children will be able to grow up in a peaceful and prosperous world, never having to fear Saddam again" he added.

Residents of Pineville, Georgia, reported seeing a "huge, luminous hand" descend from the clouds and give the thumbs-up sign. "It could only have been God, telling us that we did a good job getting Saddam," said Lucy-Mae Hillston, who witnessed the miracle.

Elsewhere, lazy, America-hating liberals stood mute and shamefaced as images of their fallen leader flashed across television screens everywhere.

In Baghdad, hundreds of hardline Baathists surrendered to US forces, leaving thousands of automatic rifles, mines, RPGs and other munitions of death in a huge pile near the square that was formerly the home of a huge statue of Saddam. US troops immediately dubbed the surrendered arsenal "the peace pile."

Iraqi men, women and children danced in the streets, waving American flags and shouting "Thank you, America," and singing "God Bless the U.S.A." by Lee Greenwood.

Immediately after his capture, Saddam was fed a pomegranate milkshake and interrogated.

"Alright, Saddam," said Commander Bill Watson. "Where's the WMD's?"

At the question Saddam visibly reddened behind his scraggly, Charles Manson-like beard, pointed sheepishly downward and replied, "Down there."

"Down where?" demanded Watson. "Underground? In a cave? Bunker?"

"No," said Saddam, reddening even more. "In my... oh, how do you say... in my... my... bottom."

"Huh?" said Watson. Then, as understanding crept over his face, the Commander smiled. Pulling on a white latex glove with a snap, he said, "Well, we'll see about that! I'm going to enjoy this!"

Moments later a massive arsenal of chemical, biological and nuclear weapons were retrieved from the shamed dictator's rectum.
 

:::::::::::::::::::::: posted by Dagwood :: permalink ::

I'm entering into a news blackout until the media decides that the capturing and subsequent shaving of Saddam Hussein is no longer above-the-fold, bold-print, 60-point-font, headline material.

I'm not suggesting that it's not news, but, c'mon...the guy was living in what basically amounts to a cardboard box in his hometown for the past nine months. How much of a threat was he? not much. I'm happy they caught him, but it's still important to remember this one fact:

Saddam Hussein did not fly planes into two very large buildings in New York. 

:::::::::::::::::::::: posted by tj :: permalink ::

The soldiers who ate their Thanksgiving meal with Bush while he held up a prop Thanksgiving turkey were "preselected."

Also, I don't mean to belabor the point*, but I found this superbly succinct letter to the editor at the Denver Post:

With 130,000 of our troops in Iraq, only 600 - or 0.46 percent - were in the Baghdad mess hall to share the president's photo-op with the turkey platter. This means that 99.54 percent - or 129,400 - of our men and women at war had no clue of the president's "support for our troops."

So, who really benefited from this boondoggle:

1. The 600 in Baghdad with the turkey photo-op;

2. The 129,400 going about their daily duty; or

3. The 2004 presidential campaign?

BILL WIELAND
Heeney

* Actually, I do. 

:::::::::::::::::::::: posted by Dagwood :: permalink ::

Since when is Paul Wolfowitz in charge of diplomatic relations? Unfortunately, since yesterday. In an unprecedented "I'm going home and taking my ball with me" move, Wolfy excluded French, German and Russian companies from participating in the lucrative Iraq rebuilding contracts to the tune of $18.6 billion.

What happened to the State Department? Where do they stand in this mess?

A State Department official said Tuesday night that "we are committed to putting the past behind us" in relations with countries that opposed the war.

But, the official added, "This is taxpayers' money, and so we have got to go with those who have pitched in already."

Hmmm...putting the past behind us indeed. Sounds like double talk to me. Of course, Wolfy's own words provide a perfect example of speaking from both sides of one's mouth.

"Every effort must be made to expand international cooperation in Iraq," he wrote, adding: "Limiting competition for prime contracts will encourage the expansion of international cooperation in Iraq and in future efforts."

Ok...I agree with the premise: expand international cooperation but, does that second part make sense to anyone? How does limiting competition encourage the expansion of international cooperation? Frankly, it doesn't.

Not only is it bad diplomacy, it flies in the face what this country is built on...namely, capitalism. Aren't we all about free markets? You'd think a neo-con would recognize government intrusion in market expansion...especially when that neo-con is behind it. 

:::::::::::::::::::::: posted by tj :: permalink ::

Those of you who know me know that I have zero patience for office celebrations. I particularly hate it when people waste inordinate amounts of time and energy planning surprise birthday parties in the conference room or baby showers in the lunch room. All I can think is "there's an hour of my life that I'll never get back."

The propensity for useless office celebrations reaches a fever pitch around the holidays. As such, I'd like to provide you, the casual blog reader, with some tips on how to "spice up" your little office celebrations.

1. If your office has a "secret santa" or "yankee swap" or similarly stupidly titled gift exchange, I suggest bringing a sex toy as your gift. Not only will you be the life of the party, but that fat chick in accounting will finally be able to get a little "relief".
   
   
2. If you have an office holiday party, be sure to get as drunk as possible (if they don't provide alcohol, bring a flask). It'll make telling your coworkers exactly what you think of them all the easier.
   
   
3. You should always bring a gift for the CEO. The more personal the gift, the better...so I suggest going with nude photographs of yourself in compromising positions.
   
   
4. During the holidays, people love to bring baked goods in for their coworkers. I've found that this is basically a way for them to get validation that they're good cooks. That's why, upon tasting one of their cookies, I'll often spit it out and exclaim "that tastes like FUCKING SHIT!" It always gets a laugh.
   
   
5. If you receive a secret santa gift from someone, be sure to let everyone know how cheap and shitty it is. Comments like "Who shat this piece of crap out" or "Hey Rockefeller, a little tight on the purse strings, dontcha think" are pretty effective.
   
   
6. If anyone suggests caroling, you should make sure to be the loudest and most off key caroler in the group. Also, insert the word "Fuck" as much as possible into every song.

I think you'll find that with these tips your next office christmas celebration will be a much more lively event. Also, you'll likely be looking for a new job in the new year.
 

:::::::::::::::::::::: posted by tj :: permalink ::

Not exactly shocking. The Lieberman people, though, took this opportunity to sound like petulant little children:

Mr. Lieberman's pollster, Mark Penn, who worked for Mr. Gore in 2000, said he did not think Mr. Gore's endorsement would make much of a difference: "Voters generally don't like to be told who to vote for by former presidential candidates."

"Waah, waah, waah," he added. 

:::::::::::::::::::::: posted by tj :: permalink ::

It never ceases to amaze me how our government continues to tell us one thing when they really mean the exact opposite. Take, for instance, the battle against the Taliban in Afghanistan. Back in May, our government said this:

The U.S. has ended "major combat activity" in Afghanistan, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld announced last week, adding "we clearly have moved from major combat activity to a period of stability and stabilization and reconstruction activities."

This was clearly a lie as evidenced by this NY Times article from...oh...it's from today, which is approximately 7 months after the Time article.

Seven boys and two girls died here on Saturday morning in an American airstrike, and their bodies were still lying in the dust when American soldiers arrived by helicopter to assess the results of the attack three hours later

Now, that doesn't sound like the end of major combat to me unless you consider killing schoolchildren to be something other than major combat. Hey, wait a minute...killing schoolchildren is something other than major combat...it's fucking murder!

Maybe Rummy was right in the first place. my bad. 

:::::::::::::::::::::: posted by tj :: permalink ::

White House officials do not deny that they craft elaborate events to showcase Bush, but they maintain that these events are designed to accurately dramatize his policies and to convey qualities about him that are real.

"This was effective, because it captured something about the president that people know is true, that he really cares about the soldiers and gets emotional when he sees them," Mary Matalin, a former administration official, said about the trip to Baghdad. "You have to figure out how to capture the Bush we know, even if it doesn't come through in a speech situation or a press conference. He regularly rejects anything that is not him."

Isn't that awesome? That's from this article at The Washington Post about how the President likes to use props when he gets photos taken, such as golden-brown Thanksgiving turkeys and fighter jets and big "Mission Accomplished" banners. So news photographs don't have to be "true," they just have to accurately dramatize the policies and convey the qualities that "people know" are true! How do people know these qualities are true? Why, they can tell from the pictures!

With that in mind, I'd like you to take a look at a couple of picures of me.



This photo is of me with pop diva and actress Jennifer Lopez in a washroom together. Now, I've never actually been in that washroom, but one of the qualities that people know to be true about me is that I love to get into the women's bathroom whenever someone famous like JLo or Mary Matalin are inside and strike up a conversation!



In this photo, I'm standing on the moon with legendary astronaut Buzz Aldrin! Obviously, I've never actually met Buzz Aldrin, but everyone who knows me knows about how much I support the United States space program, especially when they do cool shit like land on the moon! 

:::::::::::::::::::::: posted by Dagwood :: permalink ::

Don't judge the recovery by the title of this NY Times piece. Lurking underneath the surface of "Jobless Rate Declined Again" is this little tidbit:

U.S. companies added 57,000 new jobs in November, boosting payrolls by 328,000 during the past four months following a half-year hiring drought. However, analysts had predicted that about 150,000 new jobs would be added in November.

Economists are looking for monthly payroll gains of 200,000 to 300,000 to significantly lower the unemployment rate and sustain a labor market recovery.

Ouch. That's not even close. And while the Bush Administration claims that the tax cuts are spurring companies to hire new employees, the real impact can be seen in this article about the disappointing retail sales.

Over all, luxury goods stores continued to rally. Analysts said that President Bush's tax cuts, a strengthening stock market and improving job security, as well as pent-up demand, drove affluent shoppers into stores like Saks Fifth Avenue, where $1,000 watches with diamond-studded bezels and green crocodile bands were big sellers.

Most stores, however, are no longer benefiting from the tax cuts or from the extra cash that many homeowners had after a wave of mortgage refinancings earlier in the year, Mr. Perkins of Thomson First Call said. "The benefits of the tax refunds are drying up," he said, "and the re-fi wave is ebbing."

 

:::::::::::::::::::::: posted by tj :: permalink ::

The Guardian has a fascinating piece on life for the detainees in Guantanamo Bay. The main point of the story is that these 660 odd people have been all but forgotten.

...the US has never explained case by case why it locked them up, the outside world has only the accounts of their families and the catch-all US definition of "enemy combatant" to understand who they are and why they are there.

Maybe they're being held indefinitely for illegally brining the bird. 

:::::::::::::::::::::: posted by tj :: permalink ::

Here it is, this weeks edition of the Weekly Santorum. It's largely based on this Washington Post article, but I ad lib a bit as well. I wonder why he won't write me back?

Hey there Ricky!

so nice to speak to you again. You never responded to my first email...I hope everything's all right.

I noticed that you're tooting your own horn on the Medicare legislation. Good job, buddy. I also couldn't help noticing the $125 Billion in corporate welfare that's in that bill. I guess the prescription drug benefit is nice...but didn't we already have another bill for that? I mean, seriously, with the deficit where it is right now do we really need to be giving corporations more tax breaks on stuff they're already doing? It's not like we're incentivizing anyone?

Ahhh...but i digress.

One other thing, I read your press release and noticed this quote:

"This is a historic opportunity to bring Medicare more into line with 21st century medicine..."

technically, it's *an* historic opportunity...er...maybe not.

write back soon!
miss you!
TJ

 

:::::::::::::::::::::: posted by tj :: permalink ::

Do we need any more proof that Joe Lieberman is actually a Republican? The answer is clearly no, but here's a CNN piece where Joe brines the bird on Iraq. Let's start with this little tidbit:

...that victory in the conflict we're in Iraq now matters as much to them in the civilized world as it does to the United States of America.

and then there's this one quoted from none other than Fox News Sunday:

This is a battle to stop al Qaeda, Saddam Hussein and every other enemy of freedom and modernity from turning the beginning of the 21st century into what is truly unbelievable, which would be a global religious war.

and then of course, there's this one:

Iraq is the testing ground, and that's why we've got to make sure that victory is assured.

So, Joe...the war in Iraq was actually about defending our religious beliefs? You mean it's not about oil and ensuring that America remains the only super power?

Really, Joe...who's the idiot here? 

:::::::::::::::::::::: posted by tj :: permalink ::

Plug in your headphones and fire up that spreadsheet you use to make it look like you're doing actual work! Here's Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, brining the bird with Terry "The Middlebrow" Gross.

Also, here's where you can find the (not very interesting) video of the Eminem/Triumph incident, which gets a fair amount of attention in the interview. 

:::::::::::::::::::::: posted by Dagwood :: permalink ::

I'm going to try to introduce this as a new euphemism into the American lexicon. It can surely be used for anything, but the masturbatory overtones are pretty hard to ignore. Anywho, I did successfully roast a turkey with all the trimmings on Thanksgiving and, I have to say, it was the best damned turkey I've ever tasted.

Clearly the secret was the brine. I also think roasting the thing at a very high heat for a very short time helped to keep that bad boy from drying out. What does this have to do with politics?

Nothing. 

:::::::::::::::::::::: posted by tj :: permalink ::